I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
