So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
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I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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