pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
