I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its about making memories worth repressing
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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