i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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