im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
