i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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