Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
