I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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