Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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