My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
