We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
