Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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