I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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