i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
