Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
