my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
