she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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