I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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