ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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