so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
