i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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