Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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