i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your penis caused this!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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