I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
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i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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