Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
