I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
