So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
