uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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