i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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