i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
