I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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