my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
