I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
