who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
