i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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