you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
