I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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