Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
