My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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