Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
