your thong is hanging out like whoa
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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