listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
