i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When did angry sex become our thing?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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