That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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