Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
