It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
