He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
