1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just gargled with NyQuil
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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