I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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