im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
