Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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