ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
