I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
