According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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