One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
