(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
