I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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