He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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