woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
