New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
