did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think your dad took our porno
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
