This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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