i jhust puked up my retainher.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
