my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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