Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
