That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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