if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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