Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
