is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
