Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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