I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Randomize
