I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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