You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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