just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
